At the edge of the cliff.

I am finally leaving the land I call my home in 4 days. All the effort and energy I have had in the past two years have been invested into one single outlet: studying abroad. My emotions are all jumbled up right now. It only feels like it was last month that I withdrew from INTI but in real time, that was 8 freaking months ago! THIS IS SO SURREAL.

My friends who are already settled down in the US tell me that this part is the worst part: leaving. I truly believe that once I touch down on American soil, I will feel relief. But at this moment, damn it, it hurts. The thought of leaving my family (and my dog)  just makes me so SAD. I consider myself quite overly attached to my family so this is tough for me. I'm already homesick, and I haven't even left yet! My flair for being dramatic doesn't help me at all in this current situation hahaha.

I know I should be excited that I will be living & studying abroad and believe me, I truly am! I am so grateful to my parents and my circumstance that have enabled me to pursue this path. However, the excitement is being overridden by my sadness.

I try not to think about Thursday night (that's when I'm leaving) and most of the time, I succeed. But then, some little insignificant thing reminds me of Thursday and I start crying (told you I'm dramatic!).

I will be seeing friends on Monday and Tuesday which will surely contribute to making the days fly past. I feel like I'm not ready to leave but I know that it is time. Does that make any sense?

My head is telling me: "Go and follow your dreams, make something out of yourself, show the world that you CAN." but my heart is making me reluctant to leave my mom and dad. (wails)

Well, in the span of this blogpost, I have used up 6 tissues to wipe my tears and snot lol. I'll take this as my cue to leave.

This has been an emotional writing dump, by your resident crybaby (aka me)

Pic from Google Images. Isn't it adorable?

Book Review: Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

SPOILER ALERT, OBVIOUSLY

First, let me preface this review with a disclaimer: I am not a professional book reviewer. I read simply because I love the process of experiencing a story. I'd like to regard myself as a simple reader. I mainly read for the story and to experience new perspectives. I am not someone who enjoys dissecting and analyzing every little detail of a story. I don’t do well with symbolism because, 99% of the time, the significance of it goes over my head. True story. Maybe I’m too dense to think in between the lines or maybe I’m just not at that stage in the reading “life” yet. What I am trying to say is, I am just your average reader with a lot of opinions.

Phew, now that we’ve gotten through that block of text, let’s get on to the review. In general, Haruki Murakami’s novels often have a lot of hype surrounding them. I always browse through his books but never picked one up simply because there were always too expensive in my local bookstores! What can I say, I’m a cheapo reader. Anyhoo, I’ve recently received some book vouchers that I needed to use up so I thought: “What the heck! I’ll give it a go. If it’s not my cup of tea, at least it didn’t cost me any money.” LOL.

The verdict:

I LOVED THIS BOOK. I remember thinking to myself several times while reading this book that I have never read anything like this before. It was such a GOOD book and I had a very pleasant reading experience. This book has tragic storylines and a protagonist who is easy to like. What’s not to love?

My take on the story:

Basically, Norwegian Wood is a romance novel. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE the typical sappy, romance novel. I find that the plots are too repetitive and the stories never benefit me in anyway. I would much prefer investing my time wisely and read books that give me new perspectives and a broader sense of thinking.

However, this book was different. It’s not a traditional romance novel with unrealistic love ideals and handsome men with rock hard abs. This was a tragic (and I do love my tragic stories) and very believable love story. I could almost see this happening in the real world, and that’s what’s so good about it.

The characters:

• Toru Watanabe:

I found Toru to be quite sweet and one of the most naïve people I’ve ever read about. I agree with Midori and Naoko, I absolutely love the way he talks. Sometimes, his bluntness and straightforwardness in conversations catches me off guard and I actually laughed out loud. Looove him. He is truly a great protagonist. However, I did not like the way he navigated his relationships with Midori and Naoko. He was a total asshole as times, bordering on sociopathy! But, like all of us, he is human and flawed.

• Naoko:

I found Naoko to be very odd, but not in a good way. I could see from the start that she was just using him, which affected the way I feel about their relationship. I get that they were bonded and irreparably damaged by Kizuki’s suicide but I thought she was very manipulative. She knew Toru loved her and strung him along, essentially using him as a feel-good mechanism for her to recover, at the expense of his feelings. Ugh, I’m not about that.

• Midori:

IMO, Midori was loveable, quirky and adorable. I have nothing bad to say about her! She doesn’t really have a filter between her brain and her mouth and I think that’s very endearing. The things she says to Toru are so outrageous I can’t help but laugh. I knew about halfway through their friendship that she loved Toru, which makes the treatment Toru gave her after he moved more painful to read.

 ***Although he wasn’t a main character, I believe that Storm Trooper must have an honorary mention. HE WAS HILARIOUS AND SUCH A DORK. I was so sad to see him leave. Honestly, he was THE best character in the book for me ♥♥♥

The ending:

Wow, it was a doozy to read. Honestly, I didn’t get it and I still don’t get it. I finished the book at 3:40am last night and I couldn’t do anything but lie down and think about that ending. I interpreted the ending as one where he felt totally lost, now that Naoko is dead and the hold that Kizuki’s suicide had on him has loosened. There was nothing holding his back, per say. He was floating in the sea of life with no sense of direction. I don’t know what to think!

I was so confused that I went to r/books and searched for other people’s opinions. One comment made the most sense to me regarding the ending, which is why I’m including the gist of what they were saying here.

They said that the writing in the last few pages were a very large deviation from his writing in the whole book, which is what makes the ending so unexpected. From the beginning, Murakami’s writing was clear and straightforward, often giving the reader every minute detail of all the scenes in the book. However, when we reach the ending, it’s so ambiguous that we can’t even get any logical conclusion whatsoever from the last paragraph. I wholeheartedly agree. The ending was totally unexpected and just left me with the thought of: “What the……fuck?”

I have one gripe, though. Reiko and Toru? REALLY? Come on! That was yucks x ∞. I WAS NOT A FAN OF THAT SCENE. Too weird, too weird.

Concluding thoughts:

Norwegian Wood awarded me with a great reading experience. I have heard that this is the most straightforward of all his books so perhaps I got lucky with my first introduction to Haruki Murakami’s writing. I’m not so sure that I would be such a fan if I had picked up his more ambiguous books. I’m intrigued and am looking forward to reading more of his books.

Rating: 4.5/5

*All views and opinions expressed are my own.

Book Review: 1984 by George Orwell

SPOILER ALERT, OBVIOUSLY.

I just finished reading 1984 yesterday night. It is highly regarded as a classic book that everyone should read once in their life, as the world that George Orwell envisions in 1949 about the future (1984) is so very like our own. The government spying on its citizen, censoring of the media etc. I usually like these types of books so I expected for it to be one of my favorites.

Here the review: Personally, I didn't like it. As I finished reading the last line, I did not feel anything. No emotion or overwhelming opinion. This is rare for me, as I ALWAYS have an opinion to share. This led me to thinking, WHY?

Well, I think it was because I personally did not like Winston. I wasn't rooting for him. In the first part of the novel, we hear about his dissenting thoughts about the government, about their atrocious acts and the extent of their brainwashing. Don't get me wrong, this sets up the dystopian feel of the novel perfectly. However, I am not given any details or sotires to relate to Winston. I feel sorry for him, yes, but not empathy. 

The biggest thing that threw me off about 1984 were the pages dedicated to Goldstein's manuscript. To me, it was SO BORING. I risk sounding like a dummy by saying that , but its my honest opinion. The storyline before that was exciting and quite interesting, which kept me hooked. But once I reached the long draggy manuscript, any enthusiasm I had was lost. It was so dry and dull.

Perhaps, the reason I feel this way about 1984 is because I let other people's review cloud my judgement. From all corners of the internet, there is nothing but absolute praise for this book so I assumed it would be LIFE-CHANGING and AMAZING. But it wasn't that, for me,

I also think that I am not fully understanding the message this book is conveying. Throughout this book, I just felt lost and disinterested. The impact of the story isn't fully felt on me but maybe I'm just an idiot who prefers simple context in her books, LOL.

TLDR: I did not feel connected to the protagonist which made it hard for me to care about the things that happen to him. I have also inferred that perhaps this book's story and message is too complicated for a mere girl like me to understand.

I've decided to post this review up on my blog because it was far too long for Goodreads. Okay, and maybe I was a teensy bit afraid of people bashing me in the review section heh. 

Rating: 3.5/5 stars.

*All views and opinions expressed are my own.

i am a bad human being

yes, i am.

literally the last words on my FIRST post are: "let's hope that i can stick to this commitment and not back out." HA. HA. HA. 

famous last words, i guess?

In actuality, I had two posts in my Drafts folder but they were merely half thought up posts detailing my progress in watching the episodes of several television shows.........riveting material, i know.

Anyhoo, I've made a renewed promise to myself to try and update here semi-regularly. Seeing as I have about a month's (HOLY SHIT WHAA) time before I leave to the United States, I'll be a ball of conflicting emotions and that always bodes well for my writing juices. 

euch, those words sound terrible together. writing juices. blechhh

I think this will be a good place for me to put down my memories/thoughts/ramblings. I'll probably forget how my mood was or what I was thinking at this particular time three months down the line so I think this is a good way to prevent that. It would also be hilarious for me to look back and to read all the nonsense that I have written.

Let's hope it isn't the year 2020 when I come back for the third post on this blog. That statement might sound like its a joke but lets be real, we're talking about me here. The probability of that happening is very large LOL.

goodbye, for now!

numero uno.

long time no see, blogosphere.

i think it's been about 3 odd years since i've been on here. wow, isn't it crazy how time flies so fast? here i was in all my adolescent and hormonal glory just a few years ago, banging away at the keyboard and releasing all my brain's musings and thoughts into this space for all to see. literally every thought and grudge i had about something or someone was out on display in my blog. how embarassing!

thankfully i can say that i am more mature now, keeping a majority of my bitchy rantings and musings to myself and close friends instead of on the world wide web for everyone to read. i have tried to keep my life considerably private in the years after high school, just because.

recently, i've been missing a space where i could share my thoughts and things i'm interested in. twitter isn't what it used to be and sharing anything personal on facebook is so 2010 lol. hence, this blog has been created for the sole purpose of being my dumping ground for me to express whatever my heart desires. it would be a place with a little more of me, hence the blog title ;)

let's hope that i can stick to this commitment and not back out.

cheers,
paige.